A Tale of Two People

Are you dreading something coming up?  Is there some activity in your planner that you know is coming up and it leaves you feeling awful?  You can't cancel the appointment.  You have to do it.  So what can you do?

Person A
Person A has some very negative feelings.  They might be anger, dread, fear, anxiety.  These all stem from a fear response.  This person knows that whatever is going to happen is going to be bad.  This person doesn't think about details or exactly what is bothering them about the event.  They just know they don't like it.  So instead of thinking about it and mulling over exactly what the issues are, Person A doesn't think about it and if they do, they immediately react like a cornered animal, lashing out with either flight(fear) or fight (anger.)  This person has already set themselves up for failure and the event will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Person B
Person B doesn't like the event.  This isn't something that they went out of their way to do.  They'd much rather do something fun but they know the appointment is going to happen.  So they begin to think about it.  They think about specifics.  Person B doesn't react with feelings, they ask themselves, "What exactly is bothering me about this?  What is causing these feelings inside me?"  They may run through the day and think about all the things that will happen. They may think about good things that might happen as well as the bad but they will do so realistically and in as much detail as possible.  Person B accepts the situation and acknowledges exactly what upsets them.

What's the Difference?
You might say that Person A is just a grump and Person B has their head in the clouds but the real answer is their attitude.  Both people have the same appointment.  Both people do not want this to happen but it's going to happen anyway.  But Person A is reacting to the problem and Person B is thinking about the problem.  The difference here is in their attitude!   You may have to go to a work-related event or the doctor's office for test results but you can approach either one without such strong feelings. 

Putting it into Perspective
Try thinking about all of things that will happen this week.  Think about going to wherever it is you don't want to go.  Imagine yourself walking in the door.  Think about the sights, the smells, the sounds.  Imagine what you're wearing.  Now imagine exactly what you think will happen.  How will the day go?  Imagine that the day is past and you are now reflecting over everything that occurred.  Think about the things that bother you about this event.  If you define the things that bother you in as much detail as possible, you may find that your feelings of worry or anger start to fade just a little.  If you're dreading that dentist appointment, imagine all of the things that could possibly go wrong.  Try adding some silly things that could happen.  Say the receptionist bursts into the room and tells the dentist that she's in love with him so the dentist leaves the office and doesn't finish working on your teeth.  After you've had a chance to think about all the things that could go wrong, change the story and make it the best day you've ever had.  Maybe instead, the dentist could fall in love with you.

Again, your attitude is the only thing separating you from being Person A or Person B.  Try to think about how great you'd feel if it turned out to be the greatest day of your life instead of the worst.  You might find that you walk in with a smile on your face and a song in your heart and that will make all the difference!

A Focus on Meditation: Box Breathing vs. Mantra Meditation

I've been experimenting with types of meditation this year to figure out what works best for me.  I started with a form of Mantra Meditation and practiced for about three months.  I then moved on to Box Breathing or Heart Rhythm Meditation as it is also known.

Mantra Meditation is the practice of using a phrase to focus yourself during meditation.  You can sit however you like. Some people choose the typical seated position

while others may choose to sit in azchair.  Choose whatever is comfortable for you.  I chose to sit on the floor.  It's important that you are comfortable, your back is straight and you are centered.  Bad posture with slumped shoulders is bad for you and can be painful if you plan on staying in the same position for long periods of time. So sit up straight!

After you have seated yourself, begin your mantra.  You can say your mantra as many times as you want for whatever interval of time that you choose.  There are hundred of mantras that you can choose but whatever you choose should reflect the purpose of your meditation.  If you are seeking calm, choose a word that reflects this.  You might choose a word that reflects happiness, courage, or some other positive feeling.  My mantra was a little different.

I chose a modified form of the Catholic Rosary.  I am a very tactile person so I made a rosary and went through it to help me focus.  There are tons of different ways to say the rosary. Now Catholics may roll their eyes but for the purposes of meditation, you can do whatever you want.

http://www.stjudetheapostleparish.org/rosary/rosary_chart.html

I bought wooden beads at a craft store.  Some were square, some were round.  I chose different shapes based on where in the rosary I happened to be.  I put them together with a leather cord.  These homemade rosary beads made my meditation more personal to me. In turn, this kept me focused on the words, my mantra, rather than counting to make sure I had said each part enough times.

I practiced this every night right before bed and found that I slept like a baby, regardless of what had been going on that day.

Eventually I tried a new method, Box Breathing
Box breathing sounds weird. But all it is is breathing in a pattern.  To practice box breathing you can do one of two things.

• You can feel for your pulse on your neck or wrist and breathe in or out for a few heartbeats
• You can breathe in or out for a few seconds.

I had a lot of trouble trying to focus on my heartbeat and with holding my fingers on my carotid artery (that giant blood vessel in your neck.) So, after three days, I chose to count seconds.

To make it even easier on myself, I use an app that counts off seconds. Sort of like a virtual metronome.  But this app, Prana Breath has options that allow you to know which part of box breathing you should be doing at any given time.  This kind of meditation has quickly become my favorite.  So how does box breathing work?

1. Find a quiet, dark place
2. Sit up straight (Remember you will be holding this position for a while. So good posture is important!)
3. Breathe in for three to five seconds.
4. Hold your breath for the same amount of time
5. Breathe out for the same amount of time
6. Hold your breath for the same amount of time
7. Repeat for 10 minutes or however long you wish to meditate.

And that's it!  It really is that simple.  Some people use this method with a 12 second count.  I am not there yet.  I would not suggest that you do this if it is your first time.  Some people complain that they feel they are suffocating.  If this happens, change your breath count to a lower time.  The name of this blog is Finding Peace, not kill yourself trying to meditate.

And that's all I have.  In a few months, I will try a different form of meditation, at which point I will make another blog entry related to meditation.  Good luck in your travels seekers!  Go find your peace!

Getting the Focus of Yourself

I'm tired.  I'm sad.  I'm alone. I'm still so angry.

We play these recordings over and over in our head.  The majority of our time is spent focused on us. How are we feeling?  What is that person doing to us right now?  And we have been doing it for so long that unless we stop to think about it, we don't even notice it. 

Stop and ask yourself, what is the recording that I play back over and over?  Who or what am I upset about it?

Are you under your own microscope?

So if you're spending all of this time focused on yourself and you don't feel good about it, what can you do?  Well, there's plenty of things you can turn to take your mind off of your problems but these are often temporary and don't replace those negative feelings.  They just cover the feelings up for a while.

One thing that I've recently discovered is the power of volunteering.  There are so many opportunities to help.  There are so many people that would benefit from the use of our time, our money, and our attention. In fact, there are scientific studies that discuss the benefits of volunteering!

So find someone that needs your help!  Get out there and get the focus off of you!

Here are some links to help you find out where you can volunteer in your area.

Volunteer Match
Red Cross
Volunteer.gov

The Power of Dreams

Do dreams have power? Do they give us visions of the future? Doubtful. Otherwise there would probably be a whole market for dream telling and stores everywhere.

So what good are dreams? Sometimes they can help us. Let's take two examples from my life.

The Mountain
Once I was with a group of people up on the mountain. I knew instinctively that this wasn't a real mountain but the mountain of life. It was the mountain that every person must climb. Some people reach the peak. Some people never start their journey. In this dream the people that I was with were going on ahead of me but I chose to stay behind. Instead of climbing the mountain, I chose the things that were easy. It doesn't matter what these things were but everyone has these things that hold them back from growing in their lives. The good thing was that my companions continued to encourage me and told me to put away those things that were holding me back. I had this dream 20 years ago and I've never forgotten it.

The Broken Vase
Some time ago I saw a beautiful vase that was made of clear glass. Suddenly it broke into a thousand pieces but the sum of those pieces was much more beautiful than the original vase. Each piece sparkled like diamonds and at the time it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Again I knew this wasn't a vase but my life. Every time my life is shattered somehow I become stronger and more beautiful. When I put the vase back together again it's just as suddenly smashed into a thousand pieces.

So what are your dreams trying to tell you? Not the ones where you're standing in front of a crowd with no pants on! Sometimes a dream is just a dream. And sometimes we need to listen to them!

Why Can't I Say What I Mean?

You're in a meeting. Someone asks you a question. All eyes are on you.

30 seconds ago you know what you were going to say.

20 seconds ago your brain was getting ready to answer the question and 5 seconds ago your brain just went blank.

Although science has answered why this may happen, it doesn't really help you in the meeting.

What's going on? I had the answer to the question in my brain and it was amazing. Everyone would have cheered and laughed and cried and clapped. But the garbage that's coming out of my mouth as I answer this question is not what I was expecting.

The next time someone asks you a question, is the same thing going to happen? Probably.

So what can you do?

Think about what you're going to say

Try to be focused on the speaker instead of yourself as much as possible

You might need to work on your listening skills and focus on what the other person saying instead of letting your mind run a thousand miles an hour while someone else is talking and you wait for your turn to speak.

Pause before you speak. Sometimes just letting the words come out immediately makes it difficult for people to understand you.

Try to speak simply. Sometimes using a lot of words or intelligent sounding words causes us trouble.

You're going to make mistakes. Make the mistakes and move on.

Keep trying. Practice!

The Most Important Meal of the Day (for your brain anyway)

What's the most important meal of the day?

I know you want to say breakfast and sure maybe it is - for your body.  But what about your brain?  What are you shoveling into it all day?

Photo By: David Malan/Getty Images

For me, it's generally a steady diet of negativity, stress and internet. Translated: Brain Junk Food.

How about we start our day with something that will help your brain?

Meditation

Meditation, which Merriam Webster defines as to engage in mental exercise, is the equivalent of eating a healthy salad.  The good thing is, that no actual eating is required.  Meditation, is just simpy sitting still and letting go.  

Look up types of meditation and you'll find dozens of tried and true methods.  But where should you start?  

Sure, you could go to Wikihow and read steps to meditation while looking at sometimes hilariously bad drawings or you can just start.

Here's a couple of steps to help you begin meditation right now.

- Don't set aside twenty minutes in the morning before you have to leave for work or school

Start off slow.  If you want to eat healthy, you're not going to shove a salad for five down for breakfast.

You'll burn yourself out before you even start.

-Start with one minute

Set aside one minute for meditation.  That isn't asking a lot seeing as you have 1,339 minutes left at your disposal today.

-Find some place quiet and free of distraction

Your bedroom, your office, even your bathroom is a good place.  Find somewhere where you won't be distracted.

-Silence your phone

You can go one minute without looking at your phone....can't you?

-Sit comfortably

Save the lotus position for next time.  Just sit or even stand somewhere where you won't be thinking about how uncomfortable you are.

-Just be you

Sure you can say mantras or do breathing exercises but if you haven't meditated before, this just serves as a distraction

-Don't do a thing

Meditation should be a time for you.  Just exist. Just sit or stand there.  If your mind wanders a little, as it will, it's ok.  Don't clamp down on your brain and say NO, I'M MEDITATING.

When your mind wanders, gently focus on where you are right now.

My mind loves to wander.  Your mind does the same thing.  The key to meditation is just letting it happen.  And then gently coming back to where you are right now.

Don't forget to set some kind of timer. 

You may be so relaxed in 60 seconds that you forget everything else.  Well, great!  Just don't be late for work!

Meditate for just a minute! You'll be starting your brain off with the most important meal of the day.